Best Australian Blogs 2014 Competition

gnatHi Guys,

Once again I have a massive favour to ask all of you.

This year my blog is both a nominee for the Best Australian Blogs competition and the Peoples Choice Awards, along with half the population of the known world.

Last year I just missed out by a gnat’s whisker, so if you’re a basher of Burbage, a lover of lame humour, a fun runner, another frustrated parent, or an aficionado of literary genius, please mobilise your clicking digits and show me the love.

Here’s how you create history:

Follow the link below, swat the big arse bug, or click the Vote For Me Now button on the right of this post, to start the voting process.

http://www.writerscentre.com.au/community/best-australian-blogs-comp/peoples-choice/

Once you arrive on the home page, click on the big blue button that says ‘Vote here’.

Now you will have arrived at the welcome page. Isn’t it nice to be thanked for all the hard work they are about to put you through 😉 On the welcome page click ‘next’.

Everything is alphabetised so you’ll have to scroll through to the third page to find Matts Notes. Place a little tick in my box and once again click ‘next’ at the bottom of the page.

You should now arrive at a blank page that gives you the opportunity to choose to continue the voting process by clicking ‘next’ again, or you can choose to finish up and leave by clicking ‘exit this survey’ in the top right of the screen.

Phew, wasn’t that a giant pain in the backside. But as Loreal continually reminds us, I’m worth it.

Voting closes on Monday the 5th May so please get cracking over the next couple of weeks and spread the love.

I promise I really will respect you in the morning 😉

Who’s The Leader Of The Club, That’s Made For You And Me?

Z-O-M B-I-E   M-O-U-S-E!

Pine Gap Teaser 06(b) – Cadaver Glue

Sorry about ruining your breakfast last week. Perhaps you should read this before eating 😉

Colonel Gabriel Drax and his queasy companion, Major Katana May, headed back to the elevator shaft and plunged deeper into the bowels of Pine Gap.

As they past the thirty-first floor Gabriel’s forehead tingled with a strange sensation that was vaguely familiar, but the pins and needles in his brain were only short-lived. By level thirty-five Katana’s nausea had subsided and the two officers were in a reasonable mood.

“Is it like this all the way to the bottom Colonel? Swapping every five floors?”

“Yep. Tedious isn’t it.”

The pair shared a smile.

Gabriel stopped the car on level forty-four and turned south. A miasmal stench made the air heavy like thick, transparent smog and Katana raised her hand to her throat as if choking on the noxious fumes.

“Am I going to be sick again Colonel?”

“Probably.”

A short distance from the elevators he found what he was looking for. The naked body of another humanoid was welded into the back wall of an empty prison cell. The creature’s entire left hand side protruded from the smooth concrete surface whilst the right was lost from existence and presumably part of the mortar. The only clue to the fact that it had been alive upon arrival at Pine Gap was the look of horror and intense pain, permanently etched on its dead face. What the poor being must have experienced in its last moments could only be imagined.

The severely bloated corpse was well into the second stages of decomposition. Its swollen tongue poked grotesquely from decaying lips like a zombie blowing a raspberry while greedy, fat larvae crawled in the vacant eye sockets. The carcass was so distended that it threatened to explode at any moment, covering the officers in vile putrefaction.

“Hold the torch please Major. I want a closer look at where this thing has come from.”

Katana shone the light where instructed, her hands quivering slightly as she fought off the almost overwhelming desire to regurgitate. There was no damage to the structure. No evidence of a hidden passage. No visible hint as to the origin of this nightmare. Gabriel took out his knife and cut the skin nearest to the cement. A rancid gas that smelled like a mixture of methane and rotten eggs hissed from the open wound enveloping the officers in a cloud of malodorous fragrance.

“Look at that Major. The body doesn’t go into the wall. It just stops. Have you ever seen anything like that before?”

Katana could contain herself no longer and began vomiting profusely, splashing Gabriel’s boots in the process. So much for the spit polish shine. When she had finished retching he handed her his handkerchief. It had been dipped in Eucalyptus oil and offered her a more pleasant alternative to the fetid reek of the wall-mounted remains. Eventually she was able to speak.

“How can this be Colonel?”

“I wish I knew Major. Lets get out of here.”

Coming soon Pine Gap Teaser 06(c) – The Horror

Pine Gap © Matthew Green 2004