Zombie Santa doesn’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice. He just wants to chew the fat 😉
So with the Mayan philosophy allegedly coming to fruition this Friday, and the imminent rising from the grave of our decaying loved ones, I thought I’d pose the question;
What if Superheroes were zombies?
Zombie Robin the wannabe Dark Knight doesn’t worry me whatsoever. A silly kid in spandex tights with a fetish for trapezes and undies on the wrong side of his leggings, is no bigger threat than any other member of the living dead, but how the hell do you outrun the corpsified Flash? Our only hope here is that one of his legs rots off and he becomes the Hobble or perhaps, the Crawl. Actually, you don’t have to be able to outrun the Flash, you just need to be faster than the guy next to you 😉
The Green Lantern is no problem. Zombies are just mindless eating machines, so without the willpower to wield the ring he’s just another shambling walker with an allergy to shotguns.
I won’t even comment on the fact that Wonder Woman still looks hot regardless of the drooling cadaver she has become 😉 However, I’m not sure I want her wrapping the lasso of truth around me.
The guy on the left could be a bit of a challenge though.
Batman, or The Zom as he would be known, may only be human, but he is a human with superior strength, agility and a hankering for dark alleys. Lets just hope he’s too busy slugging it out with zombie Joker.
And what about those guys and their cohorts? Yes, Zombie Avengers would make a cool movie. But I’d rather not have a fetid Thor whacking me with his hammer from hell.
Would Spidey’s webs be decayed upon deployment?
Will the super soldier have the cranial capacity to swing the shield, or can he be brought down like any other man with Kevlar body armor?
Hopefully Jarvis would not allow the putrefied Tony Stark to don the iron suit, but could we actually stop the Necrotastic Four?
Zombies hate fire so I guess the Torch is a no-brainer (pun intended) and Mr. Fantastic can be stopped with a puddle of Supa Glue, or by being tied to a lamp post.
However, an indestructible rock-skin Thing and an invisible zombie!!! Well that’s just downright unsporting.
And what would the jolly green giant say?
‘Hulk smash’ or ‘Hulk eat’?
Perhaps with his limited vocabulary all we would hear is ‘Brains’, which would be funny – for about 0.03 of a second.
Unfortunately, the only way to stop the big fella is to wait until he changes back into Bruce Banner.
Or maybe Superman could help?
Unless of course he looks like this, and then we’re all screwed.
This is the final episode in Pine Gap Teaser 06 and I promise today to be more considerate of your stomach. However, if you are a glutton for punishment feel free to check out part one , part two or part three once more.
Again they rode in silence, both officers mentally digesting the impossible horrors they had just witnessed and preparing themselves to inspect the final piece of the puzzle.
Thankfully there were no rigor-mortised remains to punish the senses on level seventy-two, only the twisted metal, shattered electrics and concrete destruction wrought by the fury of the invader. Katana shook her head in disbelief at the damage.
“Was it a bomb?”
“Nope. Stone Gollum.”
“You mean one creature did all this?”
“A Stone Gollum is a pretty big creature Major.”
Katana had never seen such a beast and she momentarily pondered on its destructive power. Finally she asked the question that had been burning on her mind since hurling on her commander’s boots.
“So what is the pattern Colonel?”
Drax kicked a small chunk of cement sending it skipping across the rubble and off into the darkness. When the echos ceased he answered her.
“Ok, the wriggling heap of maggots on level thirty was discovered fresh five days ago.”
“The half-man, half-prison cell on level forty-four appeared three days ago.”
“The hanging nudist was heard screaming two days ago.”
Katana was starting to understand the sequence that would lead to Gabriel’s ultimate conclusion.
“And today a Stone Gollum magically emerged from thin air.”
“Our invaders are getting better at this aren’t they sir.”
“Damn straight Major.”
Drax looked back at the destroyed remnants of level seventy-two one last time, lost in his own musings. They only fly in the ointment was the Nat he found this morning. It was half buried in the floor yet, if it had followed the pattern he just showed Major May, it should have been running around on all six legs spitting poison at everyone.
“All I can think is that because level sixteen is such a larger space than the rest, they screwed up their coordinates.”
He had spoken that last thought out loud and Katana had heard him.
“What do you mean by ‘coordinates’ Colonel?”
“Just mulling over some ideas Major. Lets go chat to some of the inmates and see what they know.”
Pine Gap © Matthew Green 2004
The two officers traveled in silence until they reached level fifty-eight. As they embarked the car Gabriel commented to Katana,
“Do you have your handkerchief handy Major?”
Without a second thought she placed the scented cloth against her nose. As soon as she rounded the southern corner of the elevator shaft she saw what they had come to find. Hanging from the ceiling by his head was a naked man. His body was twisted and contorted in agony, but otherwise he was anatomically perfect. Five twos on either foot, two legs, male genitalia, hips, stomach, fingers, hands, arms, shoulders and neck were all exactly where they should be. His chiseled chin jutted forward from a jaw full of white teeth and his nose was straight. But that’s where the man ended and the roof began. The bridge of his nose, his eyes, the top of his ears, his forehead and cranium were encased in the ceiling cement. Blood had trickled from his nostrils, dribbled onto his chest and congealed. In death he had vacuated his bowels leaving a disgusting pool of excrement on the floor and dried faeces clinging to the hair on his legs. Drax leaned forwards to examine his fingers. The nails on each hand had been torn and his fingertips were raw and bloody.
“What do you think happened to his hands Colonel?”
Drax pulled a small, high-powered torch from his pocket and shone it at the ceiling. The concrete in the roof around the victim’s head had scratch marks on it. He spoke more to himself than to Major May when he replied.
“Looks like he tried to dig his face out of the roof before he died.”
Katana was absolutely perplexed.
“This is getting ridiculous Colonel. How the hell can this happen to a person?”
“I’m not sure Major but I think I see a pattern emerging.”
“What sort of pattern sir?”
“One more level to inspect and I’ll tell you.”
Coming soon Pine Gap Teaser 06(d) – An Inescapable Conclusion
Pine Gap © Matthew Green 2004
It’s been ages since I shared anything from my novel, but now that the cowardly critic has crawled back under his or her rock, here’s teaser number six. In this four-part episode, Colonel Gabriel Drax and Major Katana May are investigating some of the horrors lurking in the depths of Pine Gap. Better switch the nightlight on guys 😉
The elevator doors opened onto level thirty and the two officers exited the car. Katana began heading toward the southern end of the complex but was called back by her superior officer.
“There’s nothing nasty over there Major. Come with me instead.”
He led her down the silent corridor past the rows of empty cells. There was a faint smell of rotting meat in the air that began to get stronger the further north they walked. Katana noticed movement on the floor in front of them and drew her pistol.
“Relax Major. Its already dead.”
The erratic motion that Katana saw was in fact the writhing bodies of a million maggots, squirming and feasting on the bloodied remains lying in the corner of the floor and the northern wall. Involuntary peristalsis made her gag before speaking.
“Oh yuck! That’s disgusting. What died here Colonel?”
“No one is exactly sure Major. A Tullimbar patrol reported finding a lump of flesh, which was later identified as the back of a bipedal humanoid, lodged in the wall here five days ago.”
Gabriel scraped some of the worms away from the wriggling pile and exposed the white bones of a spinal column. The smell was indescribable and Katana was forced to swallow the bile rising in her throat.
“Who was it Colonel?”
“No one from here Major.”
“Where did it come from?”
Drax just shook his head.
“Lets move on.”
Coming soon Pine Gap Teaser 06(b) – Cadaver Glue
Pine Gap © Matthew Green 2004