Like a bad movie franchise (think Saw 2 onwards) we’re back with another round of trivial trash, beginning with:
Of Licking Toads and Elbows.
The vast majority of the population cannot lick their elbows.
Pause whilst the reader attempts the impossible.
What many people don’t know is that elbow skin is actually toxic. There is a tiny gland in your lateral epicondyle that exudes a mild narcotic when stimulated. The drug, called Imtal Kingru Bish (or IKB for short) was first discovered by long-tongued hippies in the late 1970’s and is a form of bufotoxin similar to that found in the skin of the Colorado River Bullfrog and the Australian Cane Toad.
The ingestion of this type of hallucinogenic tryptamine has been known to cause psychedelic episodes leading to a voyage on a Yellow Submarine, a Magic Carpet Ride, sleepovers in Itchycoo Park or a Misty Mountain Hop. Those that imbibed too much often experienced a dangerous encounter with Hoppity Hooper and to this day cannot stand the sight of poor Kermit.
Coined the Peace Frog by the Lizard King, overdosed users were left as Thick as a Brick. Even renowned astronaut Major Tom, struggled with the fact that planet Earth was blue and there was nothing he could do.
Eventually the authorities banned the partaking of polliwog potion and less conventional methods, such as smoking banana skins, was attempted by the drug crazed desperados still waiting for the epic song ‘In a Gadda Da Vida’ to finish.
Then in 1978, notable walrus and occasional eggman, Philbert Q TieDye discovered the fun of IKB whilst slurping hummous off his elbow. Endowed with an unusually large sixteen centimetre proboscis, Philbert quickly decided that ‘elbow grease’ was good for business. Unfortunately for the Q-man the psychedelic effects of IKB only works on the person who produces the hallucinogen. So, after a string of beatings from Mellow Yellow fans whom Phil had tried to convert with a sample ‘suck on his wenis,’ he eventually gave up and spent his remaining days wandering the rooms of the Hotel California, frequently checking out, but never able to leave.
Many other unhappy discoveries began to pepper the free-love landscape as other long-tongued larrikins locked lips with their funny bones. Gorging on the ginglymis resulted in a succession of poorly acted Police Academy movies, an achy breaky heart, the Macarena, too many Baldwins and The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
Although it is sometimes called the ‘funny bone’, hitting the humerus is no laughing matter. So, even if you do have a Gene Simmons sized appendage, please do not try this at home.
It’s a known fact that sharks close their eyes when they come in for the kill. With their other senses heightened to the extreme, eyesight becomes superfluous and the soulless black orbs roll back into the sockets as the intoxicating aroma of severed flesh and gushing blood fills the boiling sea.
Ron and Valerie Taylor have spent years documenting this phenomenon, whilst remaining ‘in love’ with the shark. However, Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfus character in the movie Jaws) described the creature best.
“[Sharks are] an eating machine that is a miracle of evolution. It swims and eats and makes little baby sharks, that’s all.”
Unlike our friend the crocodile, sharks don’t cry when they bite you. The only reason they shut their eyes is so that they don’t end up with a piece of your rib cage lodged in the iris.
Do not be fooled by their names.
A Grey Nurse is not going to Dettol your detached limb.
A Hammer Head will not help you repair the hull of your boat.
Bull sharks don’t lie.
Gummy sharks have teeth.
And the only thing great about a Great White is the size of its gaping maw and its insatiable appetite.
They are the alpha predator of the ocean, and you are the side-serving of fries in the buffet of life.
Admit it, you’re hooked. You want more trivia? Well we got more trivia. Check out the following posts: